Monday, April 22, 2013

I have really great friends

This hasn't always been the case, but right now I have really great friends.  I really do.  I may not be blessed with family, but I have been very blessed with friendships.  I don't know if it is because I am learning to let myself need and trust people more.  Or if I am learning to let people see and know more of me and my history.  I'm being more open.  I am feeling less ashamed of some of it and more okay if people know.  Maybe I am learning to judge people better, or I'm just finding better people.  Maybe it's a huge combination of all of those things.  I don't know, but right now I am feeling very blessed to have the people I have in my life.

The friends I am staying with are amazing people.  It is just so easy and comfortable being with them.  It's a lot of fun too.  We laugh a lot.  I was talking with them about this really amazing apartment complex in a very nice part of town, that is built to blend in with the other pricey apartments in the area, but it's made for low income people.  One of my friends said she wanted me to move into the studio (where I have been staying) and stay here.  It was so sweet.  It tugged at my heart a little bit.  I felt wanted and I never feel wanted.

Right now I am going through a lot, but you know what?  I am feel relatively stable and content.  I am out of all of my meds.  I slowly tapered myself off of my Lexapro because I had to.  I am still having some withdrawal issues, and I was falling apart when I first started going off of them, but other than the withdrawal stuff, I am feeling pretty content.  I feel more able to manage and calm myself.  I will admit that my anxiety is pretty bad.  I wish I had some klonopin and a sleeping medication because both my anxiety and my sleep are not so great, but I am feeling much better and more stable than I have in a very long time.  And I am feeling this way despite everything that has happened this year thus far.  It makes me wonder if the medication has really ever helped me at all.  I honestly think I felt worse on the meds.  But maybe it's living in my new state?  I like it here a lot.  I miss the sunshine and my friends in LA, but I really want to stay here.  I hope I can find a way to support myself here and make it my forever home.  It just feels like a good match for me.  The greenery, the quirkiness, the friendliness, the community, the vegans, the weirdos...  It all makes me happy.

Just some pics I feel like uploading.

These are two of my friends' six very spoiled cats

It's just so pretty here!


One day there were rainbows exploding all over town!


I volunteered at an animal sanctuary with my friends last week.  Look at some of the friends I made!