Sunday, March 24, 2013

What do I do?

I hate being so reliant on people.  I feel like such a leech.  I know I've got to be in the way of my friends and have way overstayed my welcome.  Not only that, but I ended up needing someone to take care of me because I got sick.  I can't find a job and feel like such a freaking loser.  I've been looking into housing assistance, but I don't think I qualify for anything.  I'm also really terrified of having to live with certain types of mentally ill people.  Fighting, yelling, any kind of violence or anger, knowing people don't like me flips an off switch in my brain.  I mean literally.  I shut down and become pretty useless.  I saw a social worker at the hospital a couple weeks ago, but the only thing she did was hand me the Classifieds section from the local newspaper. 

I'm way too old to still be struggling this much.  I'm too old to have someone taking care of me.  I'm too old to be this much of a burden on my friends.  It's like I just aged out of foster care, except there isn't a college dorm room in my future.  Why can't I find a job and take care of myself?  I'm really freaking out about it today. I am such a loser.