Saturday, March 9, 2013

Grilled Cheese, carrots, and flowers

I just ate solid food for the first time since Wednesday.  My stomach seems okay so far.  I feel so much better.  My pain is really low.  My liver is no longer on the verge of failing.  My pancreatitis is worse but they expected that to happen because they shoved tools down into and made slits in my bile ducts.

I can't believe how many people have sent me flowers or stuffed animals.  Most of the flowers came from people I don't even know in real life.  Some women that I wrote a letter for in AZ that are working on changing a law for foster care sent me a ton of flowers.  New friends of friends reached out to me.  Friends in LA called me.  It has really helped me keep a positive attitude while being here and facing such a big bill.  Even the people from this blog have helped me.

My mind likes to make positive things that happen to me painful for some reason.  A good example of this was my brief moment of feeling depressed that people who don't know me sent me flowers.  I felt undeserving and that they wouldn't have sent me flowers if they knew me.  Why do I do this?  Why do I turn good things into reasons to feel bad about myself?

I've tried to ignore that little voice in the back of my head and just enjoy the well wishes and beautiful flowers. I am so glad to be feeling better and anxious to get out of the hospital.  If everything goes as planned I will have surgery on Monday and go home on Tuesday.