Thursday, March 7, 2013

Dramatic ER visit

For more than a week, I've been having gallbladder attacks.  They are extremely painful, with nausea and vomiting as a bonus.  I've never felt this kind of pain before I had my first gallbladder problem.  I would not wish this kind of pain on any human being ever.  No matter what they've done.

For the past week I've been having them everyday.  Last time I went to the ER for an attack was 11/30/12.  They gave me 24 vicodin.  Today I used the last pill, which means I've had around 15 or 20 attacks since December if you count all the times I've taken more than one pill.  Tonight, err, well last night I was in so much pain that I decided to go to the ER even though I no longer have insurance.

I arrived around 9:30 PM.  I checked in, got my vitals taken, got some blood drawn, sat in the lobby for about ten minutes, and then got called back to a room.  They would not give me IV pain meds until my pregnancy test came back negative.  I ended up sobbing, "I'm gay.  I'm can't be pregnant, I'm gay.  I'm gay.  I'm gay!"  Once the vomiting started, the nurse decided to believe me that I could not be pregnant and gave me my first dose of dilauded.  That is some weird stuff, but it worked.  I ended up having three doses.  The doctors were able to pull up my records from the hospital I went to at the end of November and told me, "You should have been admitted and had your gallbladder removed that day!  I can't believe they let you go home."  He then told me that they would be admitting me and taking my gallbladder out, but they wanted to get an ultrasound to make sure it didn't need to come out tonight.

Well, I got the ultrasound around 4AM.  Around 4:30 the doctor told me they were gonna discharge me and give me a number to a surgeon to schedule surgery with.  I broke down crying.  Never in my life did I think I would end up sobbing because I WASN'T going to have surgery.  But I started crying and I could not stop.  This gallbladder business is torture.  Eating has become scary.  Sleeping has become scarier because it usually happens in the middle of the night.  I've sobbed almost every night for a week from pain and it takes a lot to make me cry from physical pain.  I have a very high pain tolerance.

I cried and cried and cried.  I just could not stop.  I heard the nurses talking about me in the nurses station about 8 feet away from my bed.  They has been the sweetest nurses I have ever encountered before then, but they discussed my lack of insurance and that it was bizarre that I was crying because I wasn't going to have surgery.  "Well how is she going to pay for the ER visit?"  I heard someone say.  I cried harder.  I don't know how I'm going to pay for the ER visit.  I asked to talk to the doctor again because I just can't go through this pain anymore.  At first he refused.  The nurse said, "Well, he told you everything you need to know."  I cried some more about how they were just going to give me vicodin when I came in because the vicodin wasn't working.  I cried because it took a lot to get myself to go to the ER by myself without insurance knowing the insane bill I would get, but I did it because I couldn't take it anymore.  I cried because I wasted 7 hours thinking there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel, even though I was terrified of having surgery, only to be told nothing would change.  More extreme physical pain in my future on top of everything else.  Sob sob sob.

Eventually the doctor came back in and asked me, "What can I do for you?"  I told him that I don't have insurance so no surgeon would take me and that I can't handle the gallbladder attacks anymore.   Seriously, I could not stop crying.  Maybe it was the dilauded.  Maybe it was the week without much sleep.  Or the week full of intense pain.  He said he would see what he could do.  I heard him call a surgeon and tell him about me on the phone.  I heard a bunch of medical lingo that I don't understand like my ASP and AST  being high but something else was normal, and my history.  Then he came back and told me the surgeon did not care that I don't have insurance and said that if I thought I needed it, they would admit me today, but I wouldn't be able to have the surgery for a while.  Or I could schedule and appointment with him on Friday and then have surgery on Tuesday.  I decided to go with Tuesday.

So after all of that, I am going to have my gallbladder removed and it sounds like the doctor is going to do it for free.  Or whatever "I don't care about the insurance" means.

I got back to my friends house about an hour ago.  I am still so emotionally charged and can't stop crying.  I took a klonopin to try to calm down.  I haven't slept at all today/yesterday, and not much the the past week.

Never in my life have I ever been so distraught that someone wasn't going to cut out an organ from my body.  THAT is how much pain I've been in.