Thursday, March 7, 2013


I have been admitted to the hospital.  My liver stats were so bad they asked me if I had ever had liver failure before.  Tomorrow I am going to have a procedure called an Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography to clean out my bile ducts and remove the stones that are causing the pancreas and liver infections, if there are any stones.  I may or may not have my gallbladder removed tomorrow.  God. I hope they just rip the thing out.

I have to admit that I'm feeling kind of nervous about the procedures and alone in the hospital.  My nurse in the hospital is nice, but she forgets to ask to touch my body.  She walked in and lifted up my gown without even warning me.  And she made weird jokes about adoption when I told her I didn't know much of my family history.  She asked me if I was adopted and I said no, which seemed to really throw her off.  "What are you an orphan from the street."  I just said, "foster care."  She didn't seem to understand how someone couldn't have a bio family connection or adopted family.  Perhaps its because of her language and culture.  She was clearly not born in the US.  Other than her awkward attempts at uncomfortable humor and abrupt manner, she is pretty nice.
I feel kind of pushed around here at the hospital.  So many people tell me different things.  I am not sure when I should just accept things as they are and when I should fight them.  Yesterday I sobbed because I knew giving me vicodin and sending me home was ridiculous and although I cried and told people what I felt, I still accepted what they told me without much question. 
This is going to be a freaking huge hospital bill.  I hope someone in the billing department takes pity on me. 
The room next to me is filled with family members of a patient.  I wish I had that many close family relationships and friendships.  That many people who loved me in one room.