Saturday, February 9, 2013


I took four ambien and I'm still awake in my car, heart pounding.  Crying.  I have nobody in life.  I'm in a new city all by myself.  I'm trying to sleep in my car, loaded with ambien.  I tried to jump off a bridge here but I wasn't bave enough or agile enough to climp up the edge.  Nothing can make you hate yourself more than I hate myself now. 

Everyones answer is always to tell me to go to the hospital.  I do not have insurance or an extra twenty thousand dollars.  Until my unemployment clears, I have 36 dollars, so I don't even have enough for a room.  There is no way I could go to the er alone anyway.  Not after what happened last time. 
People tell me they care about me, that they love me, but then they dump me.  Wtf is so wrong with me??  I'm just a fucking piece of shit.  How could anyone possibly care about me?
Fuck.  How many more ambien do I need to take before I sleep?  I can't tolerate consciousness anymore.