I am a complete fuck up. I mean it. I screw up everything. I have two interviews next week, but I doubt I will get either job. I really do. What am I doing in this city? It's just been this fantasy land for my most of my adult life. I never dreamed I'd be homeless here, but now that I face the possibility of sleeping in my car again, I'm wanting to go back to Arizona where it's warm and I know people. I don't want to even think about a shelter. I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep in one ever again. Maybe they will just let me shower there. Fuck. What is the point of my existence? I mean really????