One year ago today I was sitting in a park, drinking, cutting, and praying to be dead because I received the first of the child pornography emails.
Today I sent resumes and cover letters out to 8 more positions. I forced myself to be busy the majority of the day. I went on errands with my sister and sent out interview thank you notes. I think it helped that so much was going on here at Melody's house. I wasn't home alone.
Maybe someday I'll make something of myself and rise above my history, but sadly this is progress for me right now. It's taken a lot for me to get here. It might not be much, but it's more than where I was at last year. I have not cut myself since early October. I haven't engaged in most of my harmful behaviors since October. It's not much, but it has been worse.
I cried pretty hard last night and had bad dreams. Some of the tears were from the interview, but a lot of them were because of the date. I had to take quite a bit of anxiety medication today. I think I could still cry if someone poked me enough and I'm feeling a little sensitive and needy. I haven't done much in my life, but at least I'm not sitting at a park covered in blood and vodka.
Way to celebrate mediocrity. No, I guess this would be one step below mediocrity. Oh well. Vodka anyone?