Thursday, December 20, 2012

What am I supposed to do?

  • I can't afford health insurance anymore.  This is my last month.  I no longer have unemployment so I cannot pay the 700 to cobra anymore.
  • I need abdominal surgery but can't have it done before the end of this month unless I go to the ER and they decide to admit me.  I'm in a lot of pain and feel sick all the time.
  • I have no one to help me recover from surgery if I have it.
  • I don't know where I am going to live starting Feb. 1st or how I will pay rent.
  • Four at of the 9 jobs I applied for in another state have sent me rejection letters.  I haven't heard from the other ones, or any of the hundreds I've applied for here.  It is so disheartening to be searching for a job as hard as I am and not be able to find one.  I even applied at Starbucks.  I haven't heard back even though I was a barista for two years in the past.  
  •  I am worried about this skin thing on my dog.  I need to take her to the vet to make sure it's not serious.
  • A tree in my yard cracked in half and it's sitting on wires (telephone lines?  cable?  not sure).  My landlords will not return our calls and the tree is too heavy to move myself.  
  • The right side of my jaw is killing me, but I can't afford to go to the dentist, financially or emotionally.  I called a dentist and they told me to have my regular doctor refer me to a specialist for temporomandibular joint problems which confuses me because don't you see the dentist about that? 
  • There is something wrong with the wiring in my 1996 Toyota.  The lights and stereo keep flickering on and off.  The wheels squeal when I make turns.  The seat belt no longer retracts. 
  •  The water has been turned off in my apartment but it has nothing to do with us.  It's the huge dramatic thing between the front house and our landlords.  So we probably won't have any water for a while.   
  • I hate the holidays and I'm so freaking sad about it all the time.
  • I'm so stressed out and starting to feel so freaking hopeless.   
  • I wish I had a family, any kind of family.  I have nothing.  Nobody.  There are some days where I don't have any kind of interaction with other human beings, other than Facebook.  I have no family.  No human connections.  
Vicodin makes me super emotional and I've had a lot of it today, plus three doses of 800 mg Ibuprofen, and cold medicine for this congestion that won't go away.

I want a mom, or a dad, or grandparent, or a cousin or stable sibling right now.  I a need a mom so bad right now.  Nobody wants to stick around in my life for very long.  No one wants me.  Not families, not employers.  No one.

I need to take some more pain killers and go to sleep.