Christmas reminds me that, in a lot of ways, I am like a parasitic disease. But maybe a disease that first begins with positive symptoms. Positive symptoms that make it easier to ignore the dangerous warning signs. And by the time you recognize the signs, the only option you have left is drastic surgery to remove the ugly tumor. You remove the tumor, throw it in the waste bucket, relieved to be rid of the extra weight. You walk away, happy to be free. And I am left alone with more scars from another extraction. I deserve the heartache that comes with my removal. I deserve to send gifts to people I don't really know anymore, not even knowing how I will have the gifts delivered. I deserve to know that I am the last person they would want to see. I just do. I know I do a lot of good things for people, but I also know that it will never make up for the rest of me.
I Feelbetter now. Prescription: Red wine and klonopin. And a marathon of a good tv show.