Friday, November 2, 2012

You can make a difference and all you have to be is you.

November is Adoption Awareness month.  While it has become "fashionable" to adopt orphan babies from third world countries, people have forgotten or perhaps never even thought about the children in their own backyards.  Children that are starving for a home and a family.  I have found that many people believe that North American foster children are better off than children in other countries, but there are things that happen in foster care that people believe only happens in third world countries.  

Is it still possible for me to have a family someday.  People who don't go away when I'm not perfect?  Intellectually I know it will never happen for me and intellectually I know I need to accept this fact and try to build a life without it, but this is a near impossible feat.  It goes against nature.  A child is not meant to survive and grow up without a family.  Human beings are meant to be part of a family unit.  That's how we evolved.  I've yearned for love and family my whole life and I know I'll never get it.  All I've ever wanted was to BE wanted.  And I don't know how to to stop wanting for someone to adopt me.  For someone to want me. I'll never understand why no one ever wanted me.  Kids who aged out of foster care, age out believing that they are defective and unlovable because we grew up in a system that told us that over and over again. 

I've never known how to answer the question, "Who raised you?" because no one raised me.  I just grew up.  Alone.  No-- worse than alone.  I grew up surrounded by people.  And I grew up desperately searching for love.  I grew up surrounded by so many people who could have given me a home, love, support, a sense of belonging if they wanted to.  But I never got those things.  I grew up in a system that abused and neglected me in a society that ignored me.  I grew up invisible.  And I don't understand why.  Dogs and cats will mother orphans of a different species.  Why don't more humans take care of orphans of their own species?

Right now, in your city is a terrified little boy who hasn't been hugged in years.  There is a little girl that cries every single night for a mom.  And she's not picky.  She's not looking for a rich mom or a fancy mom.  All they want is a mom, or a dad, or both, or two moms, or two dads, or grandparents.  All that little boy and little girl wants is a home with people they can call home.

One question I was often asked as a child was:  "Who do you live with?"  And the only thing I ever wanted in the whole world was to be able to answer that question with:  "My family."

November is Adoption Awareness month.  There are hundreds of thousands of foster children right here in your country.  You don't have to be perfect.  You don't have to be rich.  You don't have to be young.  You don't have to adopt or foster.  There are many other ways to help foster children in your area.  You can make a difference in a child's life.  All you have to be is you.