Saturday, November 10, 2012
A strange kind of sadness
I'm feeling pretty sad today, but it's a strange, unfamiliar kind of sadness. First it's strange because it's not so all-consuming that I want to die, but it's filled with so many unknowns, fear, gratitude. Honestly I don't know how to describe how I feel. Things in my life need to change, and it's scary and hard, and unknown, but no matter how scared I am, things still need to change. And I think I'm ready for change. I'm not sure what the future holds for me or if I can handle it, but I think I'm willing to try. I'm terrified. My eyes well up with tears at random times when I think about it all. I'm terrified, but I'm willing to try which is something I wasn't able to say just months ago.
2012 has almost killed me but it has also brought me hope, willingness, and the feeling of capability. For some reason all of this makes me sad. Really sad. Like I said, it's a strange kind of sadness.