Friday, October 12, 2012

One more week

I was initially told that Fancy Pants would let me stay for five more weeks, but yesterday I was told that I only have one more week left.  I know it's ridiculous and sounds so ungrateful but I'm feeling kind of abandoned.  I knew the relationship was short term but I'm feeling abandoned by Nicole and AG.  It's not rational.  I know that.  I wish I had a way to pay for treatment because I really think that I need another month or two to really make a difference in my life.  Right now I'm feeling really sad and hurt and alone.  I'm very grateful for the time I did have.  I mean, they had no reason to give me the amount of treatment they did...for FREE.  I just started feeling safe and brave enough to open up more, but now it's over.  I'm grateful, I truly am, but I know that I need more treatment....treatment beyond DBT classes (I still think DBT is crap!) and sessions with Dr. K.  Fancy Pants incorporates all kinds of practices into treatment and it's intense and I know that I can call someone anytime I need help seven days a week from 8am-10pm.  I know it's stupid but I also kind of feel like I did when I had to leave foster homes/group homes as a kid.  The same sense of abandonment and fear.  

It's a self pay program but some insurances cover it or part of it.  I wish I knew which insurance companies so I could figure out some way to sign up for them.  Or raise the money somehow...or work it off somehow.  I'm desperate for help and treatment I just can't seem to afford it.