Friday, August 24, 2012

Over Capacity

I am over capacity.  Everyone leaves.  No one wants me.  People say they want me, but I know it's not true.  And it's never true for very long.  I have nobody that understands me.  No one to talk to.  Dr. K keeps calling me but she just scolds me about the treatment program.  I want her to call CT and change her mind, but I know CT won't change her mind.  She's tired of me.  You know you're pretty fucked up when you even drive your therapist away.

My whole life has been about loss and instability.  These past twelve months alone I've lost more than most people do in their whole lives.  And I freely admit it's my own damn fault.  My mother is correct.  There is something wrong with me.  I'm a fucking vile creature.