Thursday, April 19, 2012

You are Wrong

  • You're an adult.  
  • He's dead.  
  • You're safe now.  
  • It's over.  
  • He can't take anything from you anymore.
  • He will never be able to hurt you again.   
I am.
He is.
I'm not.
it's not.
Yes he can.
He has.

These are lies or wishful thinking.  I have been marked for life.  I wear a scarlet letter on my chest.  He is part of me everyday.  I'll never be clean.  I feel so fucking dirty but I can't wash it off.  I will never be safe, feel safe.  I will never be free.  I've been marked, scarred, branded, infected.  I am damaged.   

I'm so full of sadness, anger, guilt, shame, confusion because there is love and yearning (and the shame those feelings cause) mixed in with all of that.