Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Please.

I've been sobbing all day, like literally all day.  I woke up crying, and I've been crying nonstop since 2pm.  I can't do this anymore.  I know this is so melodramatic, but I really can't.  I just can't.  If there is anyone out there that cares, please hire a hit man for me.  Maybe I can add a hit man fund button on my blog.  Life shouldn't suck this much.  Maybe I am the one who is making it suck, but it still sucks and I don't see it ever not sucking.  I need someone to have some mercy for me and bring me some peace and quiet.  Something to kill the pain.  There aren't many people that will miss me.  I always care about people more than they care about me, but I'm kind of a fucked up freak, so it makes sense.  Even if anyone does miss me, they will be better off anyway.

I want to die.  I need to die.  I really am so fucking tired.  I'm so exhausted.  I don't have much more in me and I've been saying that for over a year.  I've been over extended for most of my life and I've ran out of fuel.  I've been running on fumes, but now my engine is burned out and busted.  I've been so thirsty for so long now that it's never going to be possible to satisfy that need and take the misery away.  The thirst is permanent.  The burns are permanent.  I've ran on empty too long.  I'm worn out and unfixable.  I'm not worth fixing.  It hurts too much to keep spinning around on empty without a path or nourishment.  Time to stop now.  Time to rest. I'm sad. I'm pathetic. I'm alone. I'm lonely. I'm in so much pain.  I'm so fucking tired and I really just don't want to try anymore.