Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I lost my best friend last night

The world decided to take away the only creature that loved me unconditionally.  I have had her since I was like 17.  She's been through so much with me.  Homelessness, I sneaked her in my college dorm, move after move, leaving Arizona, break ups...  When I had absolutely no one else in the word, I had her and now I don't because I'm a fucking piece of shit that let her outside.  She was hit by a car and somehow managed to get back inside, crawl through the house looking for me and then get halfway through the doggy door where she died.  My gf said there was blood streaked across the apartment like she wasn't able to walk but crawled around.  My baby must have been in so much pain and she was searching for me and I wasn't there!  Her whole body was broken.  She had massive internal injuries and all her ribs were broken.  She must have been so scared.  I'm a fucking loser.  I did not deserve her.  I don't know how to live without her.  She might be just a cat to you, but she was all that I had for a VERY long time.  She was the longest relationship of my whole life.  She loved me so much that she wanted to be on my chest or in my arms at all times.  She loved to be picked up and squeezed in a hug.  I loved smashing my face into hers.  I don't know how to sleep without her fuzzy little purring body on my head.  OMG.  I don't know how to survive in this fucked up world anymore.