Thursday, February 9, 2012

Thank you universe for Zealie, some amazing friends, and amazing Vets

I know I've been really psychotic and negative lately and I know it affects my readers.  I know that because I had people stop following my blog in the last couple of days.  It's okay, it doesn't bother me that much.  I just feel bad that my blog makes other people feel bad.  I write this blog as a way to get all these feelings out.  I bundle them up and hold them inside and it helps me when I put them into words and vomit them all over this blog.  I was mute for an entire year and on and off a long time before and after, so writing has become the only...well, the best way I know how to deal with life and problems.  I am so grateful for my readers that are here for me and leave such great supportive, caring comments and gentle guidance and feedback.   This blog has helped me a lot.  It's a place I know I can come to and just blow up.  I can say things I'd be way too ashamed to say in real life.  I even made an amazing friend through my blog.  Melody reached out to me through email and because my life is so bizarre, she lives down the street from me!  How weird is that?  I'm so very very thankful to have a friend like her and a blog where I can write down all these horrible things and talk about all these overwhelming feelings.  Thank you for being here for me when I feel so alone in the world.

I got a card in the mail today from the emergency vet that took care of Zealie.  I was too hysterical to notice how wonderful they were before, but I'm so grateful for how they took care of Zealie and me.  They bathed her and wrapped her in tons of blankets to protect me from seeing the damage.  I asked to hold her without the blankets but they told me that I don't want to remember her like that.  The way they bundled her up was the way I used to bundle her up in blankets like a baby.  They let me sit with her for an hour and pet her.  They came in and talked with me three times when I needed obsessive reassurance that my dogs did not hurt her.  They are changing their normal routine of sending ashes through the mail for me.  I'm so worried that they are going to give me the wrong ashes or that they will get lost in the mail, so they are taking an extra step to assure me that I will be getting back my Zealie and letting me pick her up instead of waiting for the mail.  I don't know why you normally have to wait for your pet's ashes to come through the mail.  That seems so weird to me.

Anyway, the hospital was so amazing.  They waved the fees for the services they performed to try to save her because there was very little they could do.  They only charged us for the cremation.  They let me talk about how amazing she was and how much she's meant to me, and the vet assistant told me she was such a pretty girl.  They had her age and date of birth wrong on the printed chart because my girlfriend thought she was only 11.  She was 14.  I scribbled out her wrong date of birth and wrote in her real one....well the one I made up for her.  It was the day I adopted her, plus the year she was born--1997.  I just wanted to do that for myself, but he changed it in the computer for me.  I thought my girlfriend called our regular vet to tell them to delete Zealie from all flyers and care reminders, but it turns out it was the emergency animal hospital that did that for us.  I'm so thankful.  It would be so heartbreaking to get those little postcards with reminders to take care of Zealie.

How amazing are they?  I'm so grateful that they treated me like I lost a family member and they treated Zealie like she was a very very loved family member.  Thank you Universe for making the closest emergency animal hospital be the most amazing hospital I've ever been to.  Thank you Advanced Critical Care LA.  You made losing Zealie a little easier.  Thank you for taking care of Zealie and for taking care of me.

Thank you Zealie.  I love you and miss you more than you could ever know.