How is it possible to be surrounded by people that I know care about me and feel so lonely? Why am I so insecure about how my friends feel about me? A friend could tell me that they love me and instead of feeling good, I'd feel really anxious, insecure, and sad. It's like I choose to feel lonely. I long for intimate connection with people but I'm just not sure it's possible for me. I feel like a freak around other people. I'm terrified of people finding out how crazy I am, how many horrible things I've been part of, and dumping me. I feel so alone, lonely, and kind of starving for connection all the time.