Wednesday, January 11, 2012

There are amazing people in this world

That I am so grateful to have found out exist.  I will never live up to what these amazing souls deserve and need and I'm so sorry some of you end up sucked into my world of fucked up destruction.  I suck everyone dry.  As my mother once called me, I am an emotional vampire.  I will take everything you have and no matter how much you promise you'll never do it, you'll always disappear.  I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you. That seems to be all I'll ever be good at-- hurting amazing people.  I am a fucking piece of shit that doesn't deserve the light of day and somehow I always attract these angelic people who want to save me.  I'm not savable or WORTH saving.  I deserve everything I have ever gotten and I do not deserve great people like you.  I will never deserve to have people like you and I will always disappoint and hurt you.  Always.  Maybe now, some of you will understand why I lived in so many fucking group homes and no one ever adopted me.  I am a piece of fucking garbage.  I should be in the trash.  Stop picking me out of it.  I deserve to feel like shit.  I deserve to suffer and I deserve to die.  I don't deserve the tears of innocent amazing people.  I deserve nothing.  Nothing will fix me.  You cannot fix me.  We all go eventually.  What's the big deal if some leave sooner than others?  Doesn't seem to make much difference to me.

I love all of you.  Thanks for the year and a half of readers/followers.  I appreciate all of you.