Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Attempting the opposite

Today my foster father has been dead for exactly 1 year.  I fucking hate myself so much right now.  I gave a friend all my razors tonight and am feeling panicked and wanting to bleed instead.  I really want to hurt myself so here's me doing the opposite of what I really want to be doing.

Something I did that wasn't fucked up:

I spent the majority of my senior year of high school sleeping on friend's couches, motels when I had the money to pay for them, and my car when I didn't.  The school nurse let me sleep on the bed in her office when I had nowhere else and it was too cold to sleep in my car.  I went to 7 high schools.  I graduated with honors and at the top 5% of my class.

With a 3.8GPA from Chapman University
 
Me


SO FUCK YOU, "MOM," AND FOSTER CARE, AND TIM AND CPTSD!


If only any of that really matters or makes any difference in life, but it's all I've got so I ran with it.  Now I'm going to crawl back into my cave and pretend I don't exist.