All I am trying to say is yes I want you in my life if that is what you
want, but I can't help you deal with the past. You have to learn to let
it go. I also know that you want answers. I guess the problem is I
have answers to your questions, I can listen to what you say about tim
and I can hear you, I can listen to you. I don't understand it and that
doesn't mean I don't
believe you I had no idea that those things were going on. So I don't
know how I would have answers for that. You didnt tell me anything was
happening with tim. How was i supposed to know? You are so angry with
me for what he did to you because I didn't know. I ddidnt see any signs
like you say that i should have. You were a very hyper girl, always
getting bruises and cuts. I just though you were clumbsy. I dont know
why you never said nothing was happening to you if it was so bad. A man
should never touch a child but are you sure that you are remembering
things right? If he was rough and hurt you so much why did you let it
go on so long? That is difficult for me to believe. It doesn't mean I
don't believe you. I am just confused. Maybe at the time it was
wasn't so bad maybe it was something that felt good but now that you
know better you feel bad? Don't take that the wrong way. I just
remember how much you liked being around tim and how you always went
with him to trips to town. I could just never think that something that
horrible was happening to you. I can listen to what you say about him
but i am not sure i know what you want me to do. I can't change the
past. I can't fix it.
You want answers from me, I gave
you all the answers I believe that I can. I'm not sure what your
looking for from me I guess, I know you want me to see your theropist,
And I got a feeling that is the only option your giving me. And maybe
someday I can do that I don't know what good it will do, for the reasons
I have with you, All I know is what happened my feeling when it happend
and I don't have any other answers, I feel I'm missing something here,
You feel like I abandoned you I get that really I do, but again at the
time I felt I was doing the right things for what I was told. I have no
other answer to that. I don't know if you will ever understand that or
if you will ever forgive me for that. I guess that is what you have to
search for. You need to ask yourself can you forgive?
I have been talking to someone who I have worked with for years and she
also says we need to move on that going back is not always good. It has
been allot of years and there are things forgotten and it isn't as fresh
in our minds as it was back then. We may think so but things get mixed
up and we have our own thoughts.
Your right these emails are not good because you can't hear the emotions
and the real feelings that could come across in person. I agree on that
totally. sometime the words are not put down correctly and it is
confusing and sometime taken the wrong way.
All I can say I'm here if you want me but I can't dwell in the past anymore. this is who I am and either
you can take as I am or not. I can't make that decision for you. I also
feel if you think that seeing your theropist one time is going to fix
things, I'm sorry I don't believe that. A couple of days visit with the
way you feel and what your asking from me is not going to fix anything.
It is going to take time, it may take years for you to trust me. I
believe if we go forward and learn to trust each other and build on a
relationship that works for us. Its going to take time and letting the past go. we have to move forward.
Anyhows I don't know what else to say either, All I can say is I'm here
for you if you want me, but I can't keep dwelling on the past. It's to
much and all this negativity is not good for us.
I love ya.