Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Just random updates

I'm finding it really hard to write and keep up with friends.  I can't write people back, read people's blogs, or call people back.  I don't know why.  It's not that I don't want to write or call people.  I really do and I always mean to get back to them, but I never do.  I'm even finding it hard to keep up with my own blog.  All I want to do now is lay in bed.  Maybe I will always feel this way.  I hope I don't always feel this way.  

I went camping by the Kern river this weekend.  I had a good time even though it was a million degrees outside.  The dogs had a really great time and are still exhausted today.  I didn't watch fireworks last night because I was just too tired and felt too bad.  I put sunscreen on like every five minutes but I have that hot and tight skin feeling today.  I hope it doesn't turn into a sunburn.  I burn so easily I wore long sleeves the entire trip, but I think I might have gotten burned through my clothes.  How is that possible?

I met my new landlords this weekend because we were driving by them on the way to go camping.  Lets just say they are um...not all there and kind of crazy.  I'm glad that they live so far away.

I went up to 100mg on my Lamictal and ended up getting a rash on my hands and arms which is the bad kind of rash, so I am now back down to 50mg.  I felt pretty bad this weekend despite the fact that I was surrounded by fun people and I was camping.  I don't know if I felt bad because of the med decrease or something else.  Either way it sucked to go camping with people I really like and feel kind of apathetic about it.  I was happy to be with friends, but normally camping seriously excites me.  The photos of our camping trip have made me feel so bad about myself though.  I hate myself.  Not only am I hideous on the inside, I'm just as hideous on the outside.  

I am a little bit proud of myself about something though.  My brother, the one who is constantly in and out of federal prison, wrote me on Facebook this weekend.  He is a lot like my mother where he writes me sweet emails and then follows them with really really mean emails.  The title of the email was "I am worried about your soul."  The part of the message you can see before you open it was about how I am a horrible sister and sinner.  I opened the email, was about to read it and then something clicked in my head.  I covered the text with my hand so I couldn't see what he said and just pushed delete.  It's gone forever.  There was a slight panic when I did it, but I still did it.  I deleted the email without reading it!  I never thought I'd be able to do that.