After I overdosed and went to the hospital I felt like her reactions to me were pretty hostile and cold. I actually feel they were a little mean, especially to someone with my history. I get that she is not my friend. I get that I am a job for her so she doesn't really care about me. It's just her job, but I was seriously in a fragile place and her reactions felt very rejecting. It still feels very rejecting, but now that I am a little removed from the crisis and someone more important in my life has left me, I'm angry about how I was treated and don't care about being dumped by her anymore. If she didn't want to or couldn't work with me, she should have ended it instead of leaving me in limbo, a place I have spent the majority of my life, a place that I fear. It feels rejecting, cold, and makes me feel like she doesn't really care about me. I don't think I can trust someone that I don't think cares about me. How am I supposed to trust that she has my best interest if during a crisis she freaks out, rejects and abandons me instead of being a secure base for me? I don't want to start over with a new therapist, but I don't know if I can keep this therapist because we just end up talking about this stuff and not working on anything else.
|Not my arm|
Today my day program called a community meeting after lunch. In this meeting Dr. Patrick announced he will be leaving. He is going to work with military families suffering with PTSD
doesn't really feel very good. Maybe it's stupid but I feel kind of abandoned by Dr. Patrick after I let myself trust him. I felt abandoned by my therapist when I was really in a bad place and I'm so tired of starting over with someone new. My whole life has been about beginnings with new people. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling bad and I'm tired of working so hard for nothing. That's why I quit. I don't want anymore doctors, therapists, socials workers, nurses, or pills.