|My actual coffee and bench :-)|
I didn't think about the things I usually dwell on all day long like I have been for months. I had one panic attack this morning triggered by a head rush and nearly blacking out because of the nightmare drug which is also a drug used to treat high blood pressure. I don't have high blood pressure, so when I stood up too quickly I almost blacked out and had extremely loud ringing in my ears. The attack was short lived and mild though. My hives aren't any better with the antibiotics so Dr. Patrick thinks it's an allergic reaction to the nightmare drug. I have to stop taking it. I wonder what that means for my mental health, but maybe it'll be a good thing.
I am excited about the prospect of maybe getting a new car since Toyota is willing to give us the very same deal we had before plus refund us for the warranties we bought for the other car. That means overall we lost very little money because of the accident and don't have to pay anything out of pocket. I have no money in my pocket since I haven't worked since February and a ton of medical bills coming in. I wish we could just pay off the old car and use the rest of the money for bills, but for some reason it doesn't work that way. We lose less money by getting another car. I have no idea why. I'd rather pay bills, but still the idea of getting a new car is exciting. What color should we get? Should we get the same model? It's more fun to think about these things than ruminate on my wounds.
When my coffee cup was empty I decided to go back upstairs and clean up my apartment. My bookcase collapsed last week and I've just left the broken case and pile of books where they landed. My apartment looks like a hurricane passed through it because I have not had any motivation to do anything but lay in bed these last few months. I was going to clean since I am feeling pretty good today but the giant pile of books felt overwhelming and I didn't want to waste my good day cleaning. I decided to ink one of my drawings and listen to music instead. I don't usually work with markers, I usually just pencil sketch, but I'm feeling kind of colorful today. I took one of my favorite pencil sketches and copied it with my printer and then inked the copy because I was afraid of ruining the original. I think it came out pretty good. I prefer the pencil version, but I like that it's a little different from my normal colorless work.
I hope today means things are going to get better for me. I hope my life starts to get a little easier for me