Sunday, November 14, 2010
Folk Music and Cigarettes
When friends share stories about their families, I am uncomfortable. Perhaps I am also a bit sad. I'm not sad that I don't have happy family stories too. Well, I am, but I'm more sad that I can't understand their stories. I can't share in their experiences and connect with them. I can't share stories from my own life because they are always negative and make other people uncomfortable. They cannot connect with my stories either. I don't want to be a negative person, despite what this blog has become lately. All I want is a way to just be. All I want in life is health, happiness, and family. That's really all I need. I want to find a way to survive and thrive and be myself and connect with other people. I want to find a way to accept who I am and where I've been and not be ashamed of it. But how do I do that? How can I find a way too see in the dark? No--how can I find a way out of all this darkness in my life right now? I am trapped here and I'm dying. I'm dying to find a way to live. I'm dying to find a purpose, a passion, and a way to a healthy productive life. In the mean time, how do I survive? How do I survive the darkness? How do I survive the lonely?