Monday, September 27, 2010

heh, I dunno

I have no idea what to title this blog. I was hoping for something witty and interesting, but instead I got this. Maybe something fabulous will come to me later.

I don't really have a subject for my blog either, so I guess I am the subject. This is more or less going to be self indulgent ramblings. I guess that's okay because I'm mostly just writing this for me. If someone out there finds it interesting, that's great, but it's not my primary goal.

I'm an Arizona transplant in Los Angeles, and live in a two bedroom apartment with my girlfriend, two dogs, and three cats. Yes this many animals is pure insanity. If I could do it all over again....I'd probably still have this many animals because I have a huge problem turning down pathetic needy things.

I used to be an avid backpacker, mountain biker, and really active. Today I just talk about loving those things without actually doing them. Eventually I'll get off my fat ass and get back into shape

I'm sort of at that stage in life where I have a college degree that does not do much for me in terms of a career but I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. Most people figure this stuff out by now. Right now the plan is to go to graduate school for occupational therapy, but I have no idea if I'll even like occupational therapy much less be intelligent enough for all those science classes! I also know that I'm going to end up working with autistic kids as an occupational therapist. There is just something about many autistic children that I can't tolerate. I know that's such a horrible thing to say especially for someone who used to be a behavior specialist for autistic kids until a giant 13 year old autistic boy beat me up.

I'm actually thinking I might like to become a psychotherapist. I don't know. I might be too crazy to be a therapist. From what I'm reading online, it seems a lot of therapist are pretty crazy themselves, so I guess I can still keep it as an option. I wonder if my life and childhood would be an asset or a determent to that profession?

Ha, I wonder what my therapist would think of this idea? I'm sure it's a frightening prospect for her. I can barely talk to her about how I feel about the weather much less anything important. Therapy is so bizarre to me. I don't like the client/therapist roles very much. It's just too clinical for me. I think I would open up much faster if it felt more like two equal friends chatting about my pathology and less like doctor/patient. I hate feeling like I'm not the authority in this situation.

I hate the boundary rules. Why does her life have to be so secret to me? Why does there have to be an expiration date to our relationship? I understand why we can't be friends today, but the rules and ethics about end of therapy friendships make no sense to me. I think the rules and guidelines go too far in this regard. Therapists and clients can have strong relationships and chemistry. Sometimes people just click. The relationships are very real and so is the bond. Sure things will change when the therapeutic relationship ends, but why is change bad? I think therapists who have strict rules about this are seriously underestimating themselves and the clients. I don't think a therapist has to be friends with everyone they treat, but I think it's very limiting and just pure stupidity to say its unethical. Freud is not right about everything. The man was pretty messed up himself.

I'm sure someone out there is thinking I must be in love with my therapist because of the way I feel on this issue. I'm not sure how I feel about her actually. I mean she seems genuinely nice and I like her, but I'm not sure we would have been friends if we met under difference circumstances. She's model thin, polished, and intelligent and I'm well...none of those things. I doubt she'd even talk to me otherwise. I have no idea if she even likes me now. So my rant above really has nothing to do with my current situation. I'm pretty new to this therapy thing so maybe my ideas will change as I go along.

Wow, how did this turn into a blog entry about my therapy? Oh I know, it's because of my stupid developmental psychology class I just took a quiz for. It's a prerequisite for the Masters of Occupational Therapy program.